You said you loved me
by Ilianaky
Summary: After the worst couple. Jades POV
1. Chapter 1

I don't own victorious

….

1. He will come out. He won't break up with me.

2. It takes some time to come to the door.

3. He will be by my side in no time.

4. Okay sure we fight a lot but that's how we work. This is us.

5. I hear footsteps. Finally he's coming.

6. A loud noise and some screaming. I stop for a minute until there is only silence.

7. I hear him again. He is getting closer.

8. He is by the door now. It will be opened any minute.

9. Is he just trying to make it dramatic? Or is he really thinking about it? He is really not coming out.

10 I shout. Nothing. We're over. So simple. I try to reach for the door but then I stop. I am Jade West. I won't beg. He just finished a relationship not by talking, shouting or even fighting. But by not opening a door. Suddenly I just can't take it any more. Tears are about to fall from my eyes and I can only think of one thing.

You said you would protect me. But in the end you broke me.

I get in my car and just sit there in the dark. I wait for the pain and the sadness but it's not coming. I actually feel empty. Memories fly through my head. I remember the first time I came to his RV after my dad had told me that I am a worthless loser and that everyone will understand that one day and leave me. He was very drunk that night. After he called me a bitch and a whore he had threw me on the mirror in my room causing the glass to break and fall on me. He left me there and I stayed still until I knew he had fallen asleep. As silently as I could I left the house still covered in glass and some blood. I started to walk. I didn't know where I was even going before I got in front of his RV. Instead of breaking the door I just knocked. I had to do it multiple times because he was sleeping. When he opened the door he looked at me and then his eyes filled with fear and sadness. He took care of me and my injuries. I didn't even have to say a word. I slept there that night covered in a T-shirt he had lend me and his arms which hugged my tightly.

I have already started driving to my house when another memory grabs me. It was the first time I sang to him. We had only been dating for two months when he said that he had never really saw me sing. And it was true. I didn't sing back then. It felt too personal. But I did for him. I don't know why, but I did. And when I did the look in his eyes was priceless. It was the first time I saw Beck Oliver truly amazed. His eyes glowed. When I finished he just smiled and kissed me. Your voice is beautiful. You should sing more often, he told me. And I did. Right after that I started to sing. And he was there. In every performance or practice. With the same look in his eyes.

I finally got home. My step mother and my father were out with my little brother so I had the house to myself. But I still didn't feel anything. I felt like a robot. I wasn't even Jade. When I got to my bedroom I lied to my bed and checked my phone. 3 messages and 5 phone calls. The first message was from Cat.

**Jade r u ok? Want me to come over? **

The other was from Tori.

**Hey how are u? I'm here if u need me.**

And the last one was again from Cat.

**Hey Jade please answer! U know my brother once ate a coin, but it turned out it was a chocolate one so he was ok. Anyway call me pleaseeee! **

I just ignored them all until my phone buzzed. I log into the slap and I saw there was a new update. Tori had uploaded a photo of them playing cards. I spotted him immediately. He looked fine. Not even a little sad. His face was emotionless. I guess that's what broke me. Suddenly I can't feel anything except my tears. I cry and sob all night long thinking of him. He doesn't want me. He is the only one I showed my real feelings and he broke up with me. He was the only one I trusted, the only one that knew what I've been through. And he abandoned me without a word. He practically didn't do anything. He didn't even open a damn door. Around 5.00 in the morning I take a look of myself in the mirror. I look really horrible. My eyes are red and my face is black due to the large amount of mascara I had worn. Great. I try to relax. It's like a bet with myself. I will go in the school looking amazing. Like my heart is just perfect and not broken or torn into pieces. I am strong. I just hope strong enough to go through this. So for an hour or so I relax. I wash my face over and over and I have a shower. After I go out I breathe relieved. I look a lot better. Not like every other day though. My eyes look tired and my blue eyes are covered in sadness. But that's not a problem. Make up and the fact that I am a very good actor will help. It's around six am so I start to dress up. Soon enough I realize that I don't really care. All I want is to go in my bed and cry as hard as I can. But I can't. I have school and I am strong. I will just put on a mask and pretend I am somebody else. That Sikowitz made me perform a role all day long. I am not even jade west anymore. Because jade west is broken.

….

I make it to school on time. I take a deep breath and I am into character. I can do this. And when I open the door and I see beck and a whole bunch of cheerleaders around him I just ignore it. It's not easy and it makes my heart break once more but I am proud of myself. I can do this I think over and over. So instead of shouting I open my locker with my precious scissors and search for my books, I haven't even close it yet when I see Tori and Cat beside me. They look at me with worried looks and I raise an eyebrow at them.

_What_? I snap. Tori looks at me weirdly.

_Jade you didn't respond to any of our phone calls or messages.  
_

_So?_I continue challenging them to say it. The word that will crack my heart again.

_We just want to make sure you are alright.  
_

_Why wouldn't I be alright?_I say closing my locker.

_Because you and beck broke up... And you know he is there with the cheerleaders...  
_

And there it was. I could almost hear my heart break. I felt an urgent need to cry and shout no I am not okay. But I don't. I can't.

_I told you I am fine _I tell her and then I make my way to my classroom. I can feel everyone looking at me even beck. So when I am about to open the door I look at him with a look that shows exactly my feelings. This is low beck. Really low. I see him lower his head and I don't give them any more attention. The bell rings. Time for class.


	2. This is so not me

_**I don't own the song Broken Strings** _

Andre's Horrible Girl

It's been some tough days. I had been putting this act for so long. Every day at school I would show that I'm fine. But there were always some times where I had lost it. When I would start shouting for no apparent reason. Yesterday night I had cried all night after my dad had shouted at me again for being blind. He said that finally beck had reliesed what I was and had rescued himself. And as if that was not enough beck had updated his slap page.

**On a date** he said.

As a result I didn't get any sleep and I knew things were most likely to become ugly today. I was sitting silently doing the homework I didn't do the previous night, when I see Cat. I look at her as the sound of the soda machine distracts me. She had just bought a soda, when she took it and threw it in the rubbish bin. Confused I stood up.

Cat? I ask her weirdly. She stops and looks at me. Why did you just throw your drink in the trash?

Cause I wasn't thirsty, she replies and looks at me like I should have understood that much.

But…but you bought and then, I try to reason with her but then I just say to forget it.

What are you doing Saturday night? I ask her. I can't ignore everyone all the time. I have to show that I am okay and what better way than to hang out with Cat. She had been asking me to go out for like a week but I had rejected her multiple times.

I am dog sitting for my mum's boss… she says while she starts to put on some of her favorite strawberry lip gloss.

Oh… What kind of dog? Now I am just trying to make conversation. I really don't care.

I am not sure… he's got paws and a tail. Maybe he's an English pot tail, she suggests when I am continuing to stare at her in disbelief. Okay sure I love her but she can be so… so Cat sometimes! Why what are you doing Saturday night? She asks innocently. She knows that I have nothing to do. But I won't admit that!

Oh what? Oh you think cause Beck and I broke up I don't have anything to do Saturday night? I ask her trying to sound hurt, but it got out a little more angrily. She interrupts to say that she didn't say that but I am quicker. I have got a lot of things I am gonna do. Like tons! I say more loudly.

Okay… she starts again but she is once more stopped by me.

I mean if you want me to cancel my plans to come hang out with while you dog sit then FINE! Fine I will do it! I say trying to make it sound like it's her plan. She tries to refuse but I shout at her I SAID I WILL DO IT! I stop shouting and add more silently but you owe me baby girl.

I start to leave and I hear her shout thank you behind me. I roll my eyes. It's just so easy to trick Cat sometimes. I see Beck, Robby and Tori in the corner. Tori is blowing a balloon with what seems her nose when the others watch. I start to walk quicker next to them.

Hey! Beck says at me. Oh he is just so good. He wants to show that he can be civil while I am a complete bitch. Well I am not going to participate in your little plan Beck Oliver! I am the one that's broken not you.

Yeah hey, I say while rolling my eyes. I want to get as far away from him. A safe distance will make me calmer. He was so damn lucky. He didn't have to put an act to show everyone that he is okay. He just stood there with his perfect hair and his friend Tori. I just couldn't take it. But anyway class was about to start so I could just relax in my chair and not feel anything.

School ended really quick. I hadn't been paying attention to anything but I had been writing a song. Whenever I was heartbroken I would write a song. Like when I had dumped Beck. I had written a song called Can I Trust You? Now all our memories helped me write another one. Like when I had broken my leg and he went me to the hospital and stayed all the time by my side. Or when it was our first anniversary and we bought our matching necklaces. I didn't see him again that morning. However I saw many girls talking about him. About his hair. His stupid ex-girlfriend. I gave them a death glare and then I just left.

On my way to my house I turned on the radio. BIG MISTAKE. I knew the song that was playing.

_**Let me hold you for the last time**_

_**It's the last chance to feel again**_

_**But you broke me now I can't feel anything.**_

_**When I love you it's so untrue. **_

_**I can't even convince myself. **_

_**When I am speaking it's the voice of someone else.**_

He broke me. I can feel my eyes getting wet. He was the only one I could count on. Whenever my dad got drunk and he would punch me or kick me, he was there. But now I've got no one. And I am not even myself. I speak with the voice of someone else.

_**Oh it tears me up**_

_**I tried to hold on but it hurts too much**_

_**I tried to forgive but it's not enough **_

_**To make it all okay**_

I can't forgive him. He yelled in front of everyone that he wasn't happy with our relationship. And when I needed him to open the door, he didn't. He gave up on me. Like I was a lost case. And I can't hold on anymore as I cry. I cry because he said he would be different. That he would be my rock. He said that I was the most beautiful thing and that he would be a fool to leave me. Well guess what! You did.

_**You can't play on broken strings**_

_**You can't feel anything **_

_**That you heart don't want to feel**_

_**I can't tell you something that ain't real.**_

I can't make you feel something that you don't. I can't make you love me. I wish I could.

_**Oh the truth hurts, a lie is worse**_

_**How can give anymore?**_

_**When I love you a little less, than before.**_

Then I just closed the radio. I hated him for doing that to me. For making me weak. For breaking me. But most of all I hate it that I still love him.

…..

I was now standing outside of Cat's mum's boss door. I hadn't been out except when I went to school. It felt nice to drive in the dark once again. It felt refreshing.

Cat! I shouted. In here! I hear her say. I open the door and I walk into a big amazing room. Hey, I tell her while I am busy admiring the room. I can see her playing with a dog she calls Cooper. This is a sick place! Your mum's boss must be like a bizillionaire.

He is! Cat says like it's not a really big thing. He owns a really fancy car and part of Texas. I stay there confused.

He owns part of Texas?

Yeah, but just like… the top part, Cat says. Okay this is weird. I start to look around again only to find a guitar hanging from the ceiling. I stay there in amazement.

Oh! This guitar looks exactly like Elvis's! I try to tell it to Cat but tells me that this is indeed Elvis's guitar. I grab it only to read on it Thank you, thank you very much, Elvis Presley. Oh god! Is all I think. I want to stay there and admire it but Cat makes me sit next to her. I sit there still until she says happily Yeah we are hanging out together! And goes on to hug me but I shout at her NO! Scaring both Cat and her dog. I hate hugs. This is going to be a long night.

…..

When I am bored watching T.V. I start going in the rooms and seeing all the weird thing that were in there. One of them being an human skull, which I wished I could take for my room. I don't really pay attention to Cat's protests but when I touch the guitar multiple times the string that it was hanged onto broke making the guitar fly out of the window. Great. I look at Cat's terrified face only to comment that the guitar was not properly hanged. This is going to be a extra long night. But at least it takes my mind off things.

It took me a lot of time to find something for the guitar but although I tried I couldn't fix it. Luckily or unlikely I don't know which is best Cat insisted on calling Robbie who could fix the window and the guitar. So when he came I left the guitar on the table seeing that I couldn't do anything else. But LUCKY me when Robbie came in he was with Beck! When I saw him my face fall down. How could Cat do that to me! Why did you invite Beck? I whisper at her. I didn't know he would come Jade, I swear! Car whispered back. I could see she felt sorry for me. This was going to be hard. But before I could even say something I hear him talking to me.

I thought you had a date tonight, he says with a carefree attitude.

Why did you think that? I ask him. Well I did write that on the slap but I had to be challenging here.

It says so in your slap page, he tells while shrugging his shoulders.

Why are you stalking my slap page? I ask him secretly wanting him to show that he cares. That he is indeed putting on an act.

Why do you care? He asks as his face makes a fake confused expression.

But we stopped there after Cat told something about Robbie's zipper being down. Suddenly I just couldn't take anymore. Seeing him here was too much.

Look, I say let's just that stupid guitar fixed and hanged up there before Cat's mum's boss gets back. I look at him for a glimpse second. He is handsome. He always is. I close my eyes and think. Can this get any worse? Of course the answer is always yes.

Right after we fixed everything, Robbie just had to get on my nerves. Result? An again broken guitar and a broken table. Not to mention that Cat's mum's boss just returned and is ringing the bell. Suddenly I feel exhausted. We, all remain frozen as Cat lets him in. But before he walks the stairs to come to the room, an earthquake starts.

Beck grabs immediately Cat in order to protect her and Robbie runs to hide somehow. I do not really pay attention because now I am all alone. Not having anywhere else to go I hide under a pillow on the couch. Lame I know but right now it's all I can think of. That and the fact that if Beck and I had not broken up, I would be protected around his arms. I would have probably shouted at him that I didn't need his help, but it would have felt nice.

The roof collapsed in many places, one time right next to me. But in the end it was over. No one was hurt, although the room was pretty shaken up. Many things had been broken or shattered. When everyone comes out Cat starts telling Carl – that's the boss's name – she is sorry for the stuff that broke, but he quickly says to her it's not her fault. Cat turns and look at everyone confused. I get it now so I try to cover Cat up.

Cat, he knows the earthquake did all this, I say to her trying to make her understand.

Beck gets it too and so does Robby who continue my lie perfectly. After all this Carl just makes a comment about Robbie and his unzipped pants and we are free to go. I leave first not wanting to spend any other minute with Beck in the same room. It had been only a few says and it was still hard for me to forget.

When I got home, my family wasn't home. I didn't really care where they were. It wasn't really unusual to leave me in the middle of the day, or night that is.

It takes hours for me to sleep. I was still thinking about Beck and our relationship. I mean did he ever feel anything? When we were together he only told me that he loved when I asked. Sure he did put up with all my behavior, but still… Did he really love me? Cause he seemed so perfectly fine. But now I am turning into those girls I hate, I realize. And god it makes me feel sick.

Let's put some Jade attitude on. He doesn't care? Well ok. I am not gonna cry over a guy anymore. That was what Tori or Cat would do. I am more strong than that, were my last thoughts before I finally felt asleep. Sleep makes everything feel so less important. Oh yeah. Perks of being Jade West.


End file.
